The Scheisengale
by Nidonemo
Summary: A tale inspired by a crazy cat NPC in the iPad game "Happy Street", A small white bird appears in the village, and brings tragedy to all who reside there.
1. Chapter 1

Happy Street: The Scheisengale.  
By Nidonemo

CHAPTER ONE: My New Friend

The town erupted in a grand fiesta. Every citizen of the tiny roadside city had hearts in their eyes and joy in their voices. Wallets bulged with coin, and money was spent frivolously on nonsense and wares. Gifts were generously exchanged and food was greedily gorged upon. The citizens were celebrating the hard work everyone had been putting into the town, building new homes, new businesses, the brand new pathway to the forest, and of course welcoming the tourists who drove by their modest town day and night. A bright orange fox wearing a blue striped shirt and goggles exited his treehouse and took in the sights around him, he had started this town by himself and then enlisted the help of his friend Zoe, a white cat with red hair who always wore her blue hat and matching apron. She was a little quirky, ever since they were kids, but he liked her just the same.

"Billy! Billy come on! Let's party!" called Zoe from the cheese shop, which was boasting a sale on cheddar wheels. Billy smiled and raced over, eager to see what the price on gouda was today.

The town danced and sang, ate and drank, and partied hard. Suddenly everything came to a halt, the sky brightened back into it's usual azure blue, the music stopped, and the party was over in a moment no longer than a heartbeat. Everyone then went back to their regularly-paced lives, casually walking to and fro from one shop to the next browsing their wares with casual glances and gazes. Walking back to their homes, and taking short naps, their wallets refilled like magic as they slept so they could return to their happy and quiet consumerist lifestyles. No one was fazed by the abrupt end to the festivities, it just was how things were and that's what the citizens accepted life to be, like the sky being blue, and the clouds being white. It was the natural order and balance in the village, and everyone enjoyed it.

Zoe was skipping home from buying a fresh bouquet of daisies from the flower shop, humming a little tune. She sniffed her purchase and her chest was filled with peaceful joy. That's when she saw it; she stopped skipping and stared at the roof of one of the houses that lined the dirt road. All the houses were on one side of the street, looking out into the meadows then the beginning of the forest.

Her gaze was fixed upon something upon the roof; it was a medium-sized bird with a gray head with three long feathers sticking straight up out the top, a white body, and gray tailfeathers. It looked like a seagull, but it was much fluffier than any seagull Zoe had ever seen before. Plus the village was nowhere near the sea or any large body of water for that matter. The closest body of water was the creek that ran through the forest, but that was hidden by dense trees. This mysterious gray bird was certainly no seagull, but that didn't stop Zoe from falling in love with this beautiful creature. The gray feathers, the white wings, the cute little black eyes, the yellow beak, everything about this bird struck love into her heart!

Time seemed to slow and Zoe's breath caught in her chest as the gray bird opened its wings and flew gracefully over her head. It was a thing of beauty to her, such grace, such neatly preened feathers; she squinted in the sunlight, not wanting to lose sight of the bird. Then suddenly something wet fell on her shoulder with a little pitter pat. She looked and a little pile of bird poop met her gaze. She gasped and dropped her bouquet of daisies to the ground; a quivering finger touched the pile of feces on her shoulder and drew it closer to her sight. It was white, thick, and creamy to the touch. She stood there, frozen in the sunshine, the bird flying out of sight and into the forest.

Zoe stood there; her precious bird had crapped on her shoulder. Suddenly she ran, she ran and she ran, faster and faster, abandoning her daisies far behind her. "Billy! Oh, Billy! Where are you!? I need you Billy!" she cried through the streets, her voice shaking. Billy looked up from the fruit he was considering at the fruit stand as the white cat ran up to him, eyes wide, and her lips quivering.

"What's up, Zoe?" he asked, picking up an apple. Zoe thrust her poop-covered fingers in his face, lips quivering. "Oh, gross! Zoe, I'm so sorry that's really disgust-"

"Billy isn't it wonderful!?" she exclaimed.

The fox simply stared at her in disbelief. Her eyes sparkled like she had just fallen in love. Bird poop dripped from her extended fingers and shimmered on her shoulder in the early afternoon sunshine. "What?"

"It's like...snow! Billy! Billy it's like fresh, fallen snow!" she squealed, looking at the poop in her hands and cradling it.

Now, Billy has spent a lot of time with Zoe, and he had always been able to respectfully tolerate her unique personality. He didn't cringe when she ate her pancakes with mayonnaise in front of him at brunch, and he didn't suggest medication when she started making armies of tinfoil animal figures that covered her entire bedroom. However her newfound fascination with bird fecal matter started to really worry him.

"Zoe, its bird poop. Why don't we get you washed up and-"

Her eyes went wide and she shot her finger into the air, flinging the white glop dangerously close to his face. "LOOK! It's him! My sweet baby! Mommy's here!" she squealed.

Billy turned and saw a gray bird alight upon the fruit stand roof and start to preen its feathers. It popped its little head up and looked at Billy with its tiny, black, beady eyes. The bird's gaze seemed to slowly pierce his heart. The fox shivered, he didn't like the bird at all, it gave him a sense of dread. Despite Zoe's frantic cooing and waving, the bird kept its gaze locked on Billy, who in turn couldn't break his gaze with it. Suddenly the bird opened it's beak and let out a ear-wrenching screech, it lifted its tail feathers and a large pile of white glop fell out and slid down the fruit stand awning leaving a long slimy trail, coming to the edge and dribbling all over the apples.

"Oh that's just nasty!" Billy exclaimed, taking a quick step backward. The fruit stand owner's ears perked, a blue koala turned from his work and saw the mess.

"My apples! You filthy flying nuisance! How dare you!?" he grabbed his broom and swatted at the gray bird on his awning. The bird let out another terrible screech as it flapped into the air, and another big white slimy glob descended from its rear, tumbling down through the air and landing on the fruit stand owner's head in a squishy plop. "Oh my god! Get it off of me! That's so disgusting! I'm going to rip your feathers off you horrible monster!" he screamed desperately trying to rid his hair of the bird's filth.

Billy watched as the bird flew off to another part of town with Zoe chasing after, lovingly calling out to it like it was a long lost pet. Before the fox could try and go after her, a gray bear with brown hair in a tuxedo raced over, "ZOE! ZOE DO NOT TOUCH THAT BIRD! LEAVE IT ALONE!" he screamed, but it was of no use, Zoe was far too enchanted with the horrible bird. Agent Boon stomped his foot in frustration and then turned and grabbed Billy. "Billy, you need to listen to me very carefully. That bird is a terrifying monster and will bring doom to this village!"

-End of Chapter 1-


	2. Chapter 2

Happy Street – The Scheisengale

By Nidonemo

Chapter Two: My Vacation!

Billy looked into Agent Boon's eyes, his words were stern and firm, but slightly fearful, like a father who had just yanked his son out of the street before he got hit by a car. "Billy that bird is no bird, it's a terrifying abomination!" He pulled Billy towards a nearby house "We need to find shelter immediately, I'll explain." Once inside, Agent Boon shut the door and pushed Billy into a corner as he took a quick glance out the window.

"What the hell is going on, Boon?" Billy demanded, Boon turned and got so close his nose was mere inches away from Billy's..

"Billy, what I'm about to tell you is extremely classified information, what I tell you in this house stays in your head forever, you are not to repeat it to anyone!" Billy nodded nervously, "I'm here on a mission from the government. I was planted here to keep an eye on things, not to rustle up trouble but to just watch and make sure you guys were on the up and up. You small villages are very fragile little economic ecosystems and the guys upstairs wanted me to overlook things here in case things got a little depressing around the place." Boon glanced backward over his shoulder and around the room they were in before looking Billy back in the eyes again.

"Billy, this isn't the first time I've been saddled with this kind of mission. I was sent all the way over to some tiny little village in the backwoods of Germany to do the same thing I'm doing here as a favor from the United States to the Germans. What happened there was nothing short of a complete and utter disaster. Everything was going fine, these villagers had just celebrated a _'Gigantischen Feier'_, the biggest party you have never seen the likes of before! You think your little fiestas here are big? That's nonsense; it doesn't even hold a candle to what these German villagers were doing! These people were drinking themselves stupid and stuffing themselves so full of food you'd think it would come bursting out of their ears! Money was pouring out of their purses so often you'd think they all had a personal copy of the horn of plenty!" Billy blinked, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "It's true, Billy! By these eyes that look at you this very moment, they saw it all!"

The fox was awestruck, "A village like that exists?!"

Agent Boon's face went dark; "It did..." the tone of his voice had taken a grave sound. "These villagers were having the time of their lives, their economy was at the highest it had ever been, they were celebrating their great wealth and fortune, they had the most amazing food, Billy! Damn it all what I wouldn't give to taste their cooking just one more time!" he slammed his fist down on a nearby table, "That's when it appeared. That fucking bird! That goddamned bird ruined everything in a single day and night, Billy! Everything those villagers worked so hard for, spent so much for, celebrated about, invited their neighbors and distant friends to share with, all of that wiped out by a single bird!" he exclaimed pointing at the window. "They called it the '_Scheisengale_'. We don't know where it came from, or why it chose to appear when it did, but know this Billy. It was so disastrous that the German government worked quickly to destroy all traces of the village before the media could see it and make the country a laughingstock. No one knows the name of it, where it was located, or who lived there. Every single one of those villagers vanished without a trace, the damage was so severe."

Billy felt a cold shiver run down his spine, "H-how can a single bird do so much damage?!"

Agent Boon's face went dark. "By shitting over everything in sight."

The house was dead silent, Billy stared at Agent Boon, his face didn't change, he wasn't kidding.

"You don't believe me, and I don't blame you. It sounds like something a crazy author wrote in a bad fantasy drama, doesn't it? Well let me tell you, Billy, when everything is covered in piles, and piles of bird shit, you don't want to live there, you don't want to eat there, you don't want to visit there. It takes a real fucked up mind to actually enjoy that kind of disgusting sight. That bird brings misery and loathing, Billy, and it needs to be destroyed immediately. You don't want to see the horror I saw, and I can't do a damn thing because of my orders and if I defy them then I'll be in a world of hurt." Agent Boon walked over to the window, and rested his arm against it, sighing. "It was torture having to take a backseat to that kind of tragedy, but that's where you come in. You need to destroy that horrifying creature, do it fast, Billy, do it now! I'm not allowed to meddle directly in the affairs of grassroots villages like yours, but damn it I'm not going to leave you without a fighting chance!"

Billy sucked air into his chest, "Thank you, Agent Boon." he then marched towards the door and swung it open, and stormed out into the sunlight.

"Don't underestimate that bird, boy! If you fail, this town's as good as gone!" he called after the fox.

End of Chapter 2


	3. Chapter 3

Happy Street – The Scheisengale

By Nidonemo

Chapter Three: My Masterpiece!

Billy burst out of the tree house and started frantically looking for Zoe, there wasn't a second to lose. He raced over to the glasses shop, and asked the toad behind the table. "Miss, have you seen Zoe? Has she been around here lately?" she shook her head, Zoe hadn't been there to pick up her new pair of fashionista shades yet. Billy looked around again, the town was small, and there weren't many places where one could lose sight of a friend.

The fox ran by every shop and stall, if he could find Zoe he would find the bird. But how would he get rid of the bird once he found it? He hadn't thought that far ahead yet. Suddenly he heard a squeal of joy in the field in front of the town. Zoe was there, a big white glop of fresh poo on her head, she was dancing and singing in circles, the ground around her was dotted in white, the scheisengale was right above her.

The bird flew in tight circles, screeching and screeching, its bowels letting loose in frequent rapid droppings all around the cat. Billy ran as fast as he could towards them, "Zoe! Zoe stop! You don't know what you're doing! Don't touch that bird!"

Zoe looked up at the scheisengale, and smiled, she opened her arms wide, accepting the rain of shit on her body and face. "Go my darling baby! Mommy wants you to share your great gift with all her friends! Go! Spread your love to my village!" with that she jumped up and slapped the bird on the rear.

To Billy's horror the bird flew high in the air and cawed repeatedly, it flew so high it was simply a shadow against the sun. Suddenly the sky was filled with globs of bird poo, plummeting down to the ground, splattering everywhere as they hit the dirt road, the rooftops, the awnings, exploding all over people's heads, covering any exposed merchandise in the shops. The town flew into a panic, people screamed in disgusted horror, they ran for cover wherever they could find it, but with no trees and the shop awnings being so small they flew towards their homes. Confused by the sudden rush of people around him, Billy became overwhelmed. A blue mother bunny ran by, dragging her screaming child behind her as she shielded her poop-covered bonnet.

The child was in tears, crying hysterically, "It's in my hair mommy! It's in my beautiful, beautiful hair!" the child couldn't have been older than 6 years old, and her short golden locks that once waved and shimmered in the Springtime sunlight were now saturated with horrible-smelling bird feces that dripped off as they ran.

Her mother tried to console her as best she could, all while dashing towards their tree house. "I know dear! Just keep running! Mommy will shave you bald when we get home! You must keep running! Don't look back! Shield your eyes!" As they fled into their home and slammed the door, a ball of feces hit it and splattered the window. The scheisengale was spinning in the air, screeching relentlessly. One of the many orbs of shit flew from its anus and hit a green pig, who was already covered mercilessly in crap.

She tried to wipe her eyes, crying and sobbing, "It's everywhere! Oh my god it's everywhere! It's in my ears! Someone help me! It smells so bad!" she then lurched forward and vomited all over her feet, green puke spattering her new shoes already peppered with speckled white bird poop. This tragedy had to stop; Billy ran down the street towards his house, he had to find something to knock the scheisengale out with.

Along the way, Billy saw a wolf on his hands and knees, being relentlessly splattered with crap as it rained down upon his back. He was about to shout to him to get inside but then he spotted a shadow underneath the wolf. The shadow was moving. As Billy ran closer he saw a smaller wolf underneath him, shivering and crying. "My love! Stop! Let us get to shelter! You're going to be saturated in shit!" she wept.

"I cannot, my dear, you will be exposed to the filth, and we just got you that beautiful dress with the last of our daily savings! I will not move! If I can save you and your beautiful clothes from this barrage of feces, I will do everything I can to try! If you leave me for some other animal who is cleaner than I after this, I understand and will still love you from afar." he said as proud tears fell from his eyes.

She wept harder, "I will never leave you! I love you so! To hell with my dress! I love only you, Sasuke!"

"Oh, Hannako!"

"Sasuke!"

"Hannako!"

"SASUKE!"

"HANNAKO!"

The lovers continued to sob and scream each other's names back and forth as Billy continued to run towards his tree house, when he reached the door he shoved it forward and found it was stuck! He shoved several more times, and looked inside. Someone had pushed all the heavy furniture up against it and barricaded themselves inside. Billy angrily pounded on the door. "HEY! What the hell is wrong with you!? Open this door right now! This is an emergency!" he screamed.

"Yeah no duh, moron! Go find some other hiding place!" a voice called back.

"There are people suffering out here! How could you be so selfish!? AND THIS IS MY HOUSE, ASSHOLE!" Billy screamed, pounding on the door.

"Not my problem! Now go away!" snapped the voice. Billy felt his face grew hot as he clenched his fists, he gave the door one final pound and looked around for another way in. Unfortunately all the windows were shut and most likely sealed from the inside. His ears perked and he heard the screaming of someone coming up from behind him. It was a purple pig, being chased by the squawking scheisengale.

The pig begged and pleaded "N-no! Leave me alone! Please leave us alone! Stop shitting on me!" as he raced, huffing and puffing, stumbling towards a house three doors down. He bounded inside, and slammed the door. The scheisengale screeched and flew into an open window on the second floor. There was a series of crashes, the sound of plates falling to the floor, the pig screaming and pleading, and then a gigantic, wet fart. To Billy's horror the windows filled with white, and a gigantic flow of feces flooded out the open window, the scheisengale flew squawking out the chimney a moment later. He ran up to the door and pulled with all his might before he realized that the door didn't open outward. There was muffled scratching and gurgling from the inside; the pig was fighting to open the door, fighting to breathe. The scratching became more and more frantic and then it ceased.

Billy's eyes went wide, he flew into a panic, he shoved and shoved at the door, nothing moved, he kept shoving until the tears in his eyes blinded him and the world became a watery blur. He pounded on the door again and again, his fists pained him, and he felt himself sink to his knees defeated, and sobbing. He felt the warmth leave his heart, his face went cold, this had to stop. This was going to stop, now.


	4. Chapter 4 - Finale

Happy Street – The Scheisengale

By Nidonemo

Chapter Four: I love you all so very much.

Billy rose from the stoop of the shit-filled house and wiped his eyes. He turned and shielded his eyes, the afternoon sunlight shone over the town, the bird droppings shimmering in the light. He walked towards the field, picking up small rocks and stones as he went, his mind blank and emotions numb, he didn't even notice himself reaching for each stone nor feel them dropping into his shirt pocket. He walked past villagers weeping in the streets, shopkeepers mourning the destruction of their wares and storefronts, a lone child walking around crying and wailing for her mother. The fox walked to the edge of the field, towards Zoe, who was rolling around in a pile of white glop, cackling with joy.

"Isn't it glorious, Billy!? It's everywhere! The poo! The wonderful, wonderful poo! It's like fresh fallen snow! Falling everywhere and landing on everyone's heads!" she moaned, throwing a hefty pile of it in the air and having it come back down with a splut in front of her, splattering in her face. She leaned backward and rubbed it all over her white, furry body, her eyes rolling back in ecstasy. "Oh what a blessing from God! He wants us to be happy! Happy, Billy! So very happy!"

Billy felt nothing at first, but after watching his childhood friend celebrate the destructive force which just destroyed their village, he felt something. He felt a chill, a small chill, a shiver creep up the back of his spine. It clawed slowly up his back, and slithered into his heart where it gnawed at him and became colder, and colder as she continued to laugh and squirm around in the bird's filth. His lips parted.

"I shall come for you next, after I destroy the bird." he said. The fox slid the goggles he always wore on his forehead down over his eyes and rushed off, leaving the cat to giggle and bathe in the excrement.

Billy spotted the scheisengale resting atop a stump, preening its feathers, he ran faster, reached into his pocket and hurled a rock at the bird, it sailed over its head, more rocks flew from his hands in blind fury. He had no feeling any more; he just wanted that bird to die. No focus, no remorse, just pure cold rage as stone after stone flew from his paws. The bird flapped and squawked; poo rained from the air and struck him. He kept going. He dipped his paw low and tried to pick up a thrown stone but he lost his balance.

Billy tripped and crashed to the ground, before he could muster the energy to get to his feet a flutter of wings in front of him made him freeze. He looked up. The scheisengale was standing right in front of him, its tail feathers inches away from the fox's face. They rose up, revealing the clean white underside of the scheisengale's rear. A tiny hole in the feathers opened and uncovered a small anus which then opened like the iris of a camera, inside was just pure darkness and a faint gurgling sound, suddenly a sinister glow began to brighten deep within the shadows of the scheisengale's asshole.

"It's like looking into hell itself..." Billy mumbled.

A moment later and his vision was stolen from him in a flood of warm, rancid white bird shit. He wanted to scream but he knew it was better he kept his mouth tightly shut. He had to hold back several gags and the overwhelming urge to vomit. The flood of white crap didn't stop, accompanied by the wet, sloppy sound of a loud fart, the torrent of shit continued to cover him. Suddenly the idea came to him; he shot out his arm and gripped firmly. The flood stopped, and through the crap that dripped from his ears he could hear panicked squawking and screeching.

Billy finally had the infernal bird in his paws. The bringer of such fecal destruction and suffering. He clenched his grip around the scheisengale's neck. The bird squawked and squawked, wildly flapping its wings, squawking and screeching in his face. With his free hand he wiped his mouth and tore off his goggles. His face heated his chest tight, holding back angry tears.

"You've shit on everything we hold dear! You've ruined our food! Spattered your droppings all over our homes! Destroyed any hope of tourism and trade this little town could ever dream of having! All for what!? Your personal sick amusement!? You're not a bird! You're not a creature of nature! You are a monster! A spawn of corrupted evil! You're an abomination!"

He was going to end this disgusting menace once and for all. Far behind him he could hear Zoe's voice,

"Stop! Don't hurt my little angel! Get your filthy paws off my baby!" she screamed, her red hair dripping wet, streaked white and heavy with poop. Her paws extended in a desperate reach to save her precious avian. Billy had enough. With a swift motion, he snapped the scheisengale's neck, and the bird fell limp in his grasp. He breathed a sigh of relief and let the corpse drop from his paws where it landed upon the grass with a soft thump, the nightmare was finally over. He fell to his knees and let out a deep, shaking breath.

He tried to think of how they could fix the mess. They could rebuild their tiny town, the rainy season wasn't too far off, and one thunderstorm could cleanse the whole area of the horrendous stench and piles of feces. The poop would fertilize the earth, bringing with it more flowers and healthy grass.

An infuriated Zoe snatched the bird's body up from the ground where it lay. She fell to her knees, and let out a mournful scream, clutching the bird tightly to her bosom. The scheisengale let out a small, wet fart as the body lost the last bit of control of its intestinal muscles. She cooed and sobbed as she gently pet the dead bird's head.

"Mommy's here! Mommy loves her poopy little baby! You covered everything with your love! Mommy knows! Mommy understands!" she cried, rocking the bird back and forth, its limp wing swinging lifelessly in her embrace. Billy looked at Zoe, disgusted. His spirit sore, he simply rose from his knees and began to walk away. Zoe glared at his back.

"You say he's a monster, but he was just a baby! He had a family! He had life and love to give to us all! You crushed a blessing upon this tiny little village!"

Billy froze in his tracks. His sanity was at its end. The last thread of patience had left his mind. He whirled around and bounded towards the white cat. He tackled her to the ground and punched her hard in the face. Slamming his fists into her cheeks and nose, he bloodied her mercilessly, she screamed until her mouth filled with blood, he wrapped his paws around her neck and strangled Zoe with all of his remaining strength.

"A cat as mad as you does not deserve life! I've tolerated your quirky bullshit for the longest time! I tossed it off as simple silly personality! Or maybe there was the slightest chance that it was a form of mental retardation that wasn't your fault! But this!? THIS!? You fucking celebrated the destruction of this village! You showed absolutely no remorse when our friends and neighbors died! No sorrow! Simply jubilation! I watched as someone suffocated in pure shit! He drowned in it! I couldn't save him! No one can be that oblivious to the suffering of those around her! Now leave this world, you horrible cat! Never come back! Never come back! I hate you! I HATE YOU! Leave us to cry in peace!" he screamed in her face, hot tears pouring from his eyes. Zoe struggled to claw at his arms, but his might and his relentless rage was too much for her. She gasped desperately as he shook her violently, her pulse slowed under his tight palms, her grip faded along with the light in her eyes, her arms fell away, and she went silent.

The sun was setting; a soft breeze gently caressed the land. All was still. Billy stood up wearily, and slowly plodded towards the village. Absolutely exhausted on all counts, emotionally, mentally, and especially physically. He leaned up against a shit-spattered coconut palm in the center of the defiled streets, and he looked up into the evening sky. The smiling moon was nowhere to be found, perhaps later he thought. Billy stared up into the orange sky, catching his breath and closing his eyes. His thoughts turned to Agent Boon, where was he now? Was it too late for this village? Was it too big of a mess to fix? Would they all vanish? Would the government have to cover them up too?

A flap of wings made his blood run cold. His eyes darted everywhere, where did it come from? Another flapping of wings, then another, Billy froze, he slowly craned his neck and his eyes followed the long trunk of the palm tree until it came to rest at the canopy. His heart stopped, and his weary eyes went wide.

The entire tree was filled with scheisengales. They all stared at him with their black, beady eyes. In unison, they lifted their tailfeathers.

End.


End file.
